are you attracting the wrong people in your life, marker pens, colour, orchid
Are you attracting the wrong people in your life? Photo:Mark Alexander @lostpeony

If you were to make one simple change or adjustment in your life right now, then make sure you surround yourself with the right people. We are meant to be comfortable and happy in the company of our friends. The minute you ask yourself whether or not you are attracting the wrong people in your life, it’s time to act and make some changes.

After the death of my partner, I wondered if some of the people in my life were the sort of people I wanted around me. There was nothing wrong with them but I felt like I needed to play up to their expectations. The odd thing was that I felt the same about some of my “friends” on social media too.

Instead of acting like the person people expected me to be and carefully wording my status updates, I took to the root of the problem and rid my life of the “wrong” people. Difficult thing to do and it took me a while to pluck the courage for it but, once done, I felt amazing.

I could be myself without worrying about being judged and I could share and say whatever I wanted on social media too. Not having that weight on my shoulders, allowed me to work on eliminating the signals I was sending to attract the wrong people in the first place. I identified five key signs:

You pretend to be someone you are not

A couple of years ago, I didn’t even know who I was and who I wanted to be, let alone pretending to be someone else. I was just an honest, kind and compassionate person who had time for everyone and who was willing to help anyone. Really quite naive for a man in his mid thirties.

I thought most people would be the same as me but I was wrong. The vulnerability from my loss combined with my good nature was like a magnet for people who wanted to take advantage of me. I see it now but I couldn’t see it back then.

You are a “glass half empty” person

If your glass is always half empty and you wonder why nobody has time for you, then it’s probably time to get a refill. There aren’t many people who would willingly put up with your constant moaning about things and complaining that nothing is right.

If you want to attract happy people with a positive outlook on life, you need to become one of them too. It really is that simple.

You are too tolerant

I spend the first year and a half after the death of my partner doing my best to please everyone. I said the right things, I did the right things and I behaved in a way people expected me to behave. Very few people did anything for me and if they did, it was on their terms and only if and when it suited them.

I couldn’t help but notice that back then, people would mostly turn to me when they needed a favour. If you think you are too tolerant and too nice to everyone, my advice to you is to know your worth and not be afraid to say No.

You are too absorbed with yourself

What I really mean is that you are a bit selfish and you don’t care too much about everyone else. That’s fine and sometimes it is a good idea to be that way. It becomes a disadvantage when people start spending less time with you. Then you know you overstepped the mark.

If that’s the case, you need to show some interest in the people around you. Being a friend is a two way street. You need to give back and you need to care about your friends.

You have no time for others

I mean that quite literally. I like my own company and I am happy to do my own thing away from everyone else. I live alone and I could easily spend most of my time at home. Guess what though? You need to make an effort and spend time with other people, especially with your friends. You are lucky to have them in your life and you need to show them that.

Living in your bubble is great but if you want to achieve things and go places, you need to get out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself. Go out and find the things (and people) you want to have in your life.

There are two sides to each coin. If you think you are attracting the wrong people in your life, it’s much easier to look for “fixes” on your side than trying to pick faults in others.

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